i think i like it


Date: 7-26-21
Time: 1:29
Feeling: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I fused Diary and Streams together. I'm not really sure why but it felt more organized in a way? don't know

I didn't really participate in ArtFight anymore lol. It's fine I spent the month coding and playing games and I definitely did not waste time just contemplating and blaming myself for being "unproductive" for hours.

Today, I drew a commission. My client paid for it like almost 3 months ago now and I just finished it today. It's fine (i think) since no real money was involved and it was just Discord bot currency. I still have 2 more to go. agh!

Games I've been playing for the past week: ok so Sky, I sort of stopped playing since I need to go to the Golden Wasteland aka scary biome! I get so nervous alone and I want someone to go with me but I haven't asked anyone for help yet. I mean I did nab a few noobies and dragged them through the graveyard area but we didn't reach the temple cuz we often get separated from eachother (even if we were holding hands, for some reason) and I wimp out and exit the game when that happens. Oh brother. One time I was bravely exploring the Wasteland then the most terrible thing happened. There was a shiny thing in front of me and as I got closer suddenly the scary loud sky monster came out of the wall right next to where I was standing. I was circling around a pillar trying to not panic. I don't know how but I managed to get attacked by it. There was another player that just watched me from afar lol. But they didn't bother lighting my candle to fill my wings me cuz they hate noobs or something I guess.

Other games: Mobile Legends- so I'm on a winstreak! Playing Kagura is really fun. I'm worried about her upcoming revamp. I'm glad Moonton is making her umbrella's hitbox bigger but her pink Ult skill is a bit odd. It seems her pink Ult is a CC move now. Probably what would happen is: 1) lower damage on the pink Ult to balance it, 2) Kagura would depend on blue Ult for damage, 3) Kagura will lose her flexibility! It will be harder to tower dive or even kite enemies. pain... But hopefully my hypothesis isn't true and Moonton would change her Ult again. Hopefully! If I were in charge I would just make the 2nd phase delay of her pink Ult shorter. And I would give her back her curtain bangs. lol!

While we're still on the topic of MLBB, my friend told me that she's quitting. Pretty sad! One of the reason I still play MLBB is because I can play with friends. She left because mages (her main role) can be easily countered now because of the buffed magic defense items. Yeah true, but mages can counter high defense with penetration! She also told me in the past that item Builds are not her strong suit, so it's understandable lol. Plus I guess leaving the game would be healthier for her mind. Good thing I don't obsess over win rates so losing is fine to me. hehe :P

Also I was pretty arrogant in the last entry. Honestly I remember what I was thinking when I wrote that lol. When I said I'm smart (I mean I am ) I meant I had a lot to say but I haven't found the right people to talk about it with. I'm too empathetic and I care too much about the other person's feelings that I often don't express myself because of it. But like whatever cuz I have this awesome website now and I can say whatever I want how ever I want :3

Song

Youtube channels
Internet Impact - drama commentary with a psychology graduate
Ass Dave - MLBB content

The sky creatures (the manta, jellyfish, and krill) are unsettling to me. The Fish-like alien creatures in the sky concept creep me out. Gigantic organisms just floating in the sky and making noises--- it's like the sky is the ocean now. I think I have thalassaphobia (fear of large bodies of water and what's in them). I hate swimming in the ocean or going underwater in Sky. But then I like Subnautica? I like watching people play Subnautica but I don't think I can ever imagine playing the game myself.

7-16-21

I can't transfer my Gacha game data to my new phone grrr... meanwhile I'm playing Sky: Children of Light. It is very pretty :) + Journal category will be revamped one day

7-15-21

im not changing the weekly stuff on the home page yet. nuh uh. I'm playing Cooking Mama :) (it is very difficult)

7-14-21

i think i did it again


Date: 7-14-21
Time: 4:16
Feeling: thirsty! but i smeel algae

My new phone arrived yesterday yay! I can finally raise my MLBB's graphics to High and the gameplay is still smooth! (I am having a lose streak though... pain!) Although my phone still can't handle Genshin lol. Maybe it's a good thing because I don't want to be addicted to a gacha game. Gambling is bad for your health! Why are they teaching young children to gamble... ugh, capitalism *rolls eyes!*

Now about me--- I hate lying. Or like, I hate not saying anything when I wanted to. So why do I keep quiet? Oh the usual: 1) I don't want the people I'm talking to to feel bad, 2) the topic seems insignificant so why bother talk about it? The second one is a bad mentality. If you think about it everything in life is insignificant and important at the same time but their value gets offset sometimes because of time. And at that time there wasn't anything going on that makes me questioning the other person "rude". Or was there? Maybe I was belittling the issue, and that the topic is extremely sensitive to that person. Another case of different views causing unecessary discourse... but I subconsciously saved myself from being potentially excommunicated- again (or maybe im over thinking and they wouldn't actually bite if I shared an opposing opinion? ugh, ~~that is so typically me~~ ooh baby baby!) How cowardly

people tend to get emotional... I'm around too many emotional people!(?) I get emotional too... sometimes. Why am I so goddang smart and compassionate????? No one deserves me. Lol!

Song:

I can't read

7-11-21

horse village


Date: 7-10-21
Time: 5:37pm
Feeling: uncomfortable

Today wasn't very productive I think. I tried to lay off the coding so I can focus on drawing for Art Fight. But the problem was I was pressuring myself too much that I was drawing for the sake of just drawing because there's an event going on, instead of drawing cuz I think it's fun. I'm also starting to think that my OC doesn't look that good. I really don't want to believe that since I created him for myself. I gathered some of my favorite design tropes and compiled it into a character and Microphone was the result. It shouldn't matter to me if no one draws him or not.

Anyway this afternoon I decided to play good ol Pony Town PG server to check if there's anything spicy going on. I had a bit of fun working on my house and taking pictures (see: scrapbook).

There's also this mental illness trend going on on Pony Town it really tilts me. It's called "touch trigger" (or TT for short) and supposedly a player with touch trigger will get PTSD flashbacks or panic attacks when another player boops, kisses, or gets too close to their pony avatar. Sort of like haphephobia but digitally. According to a person I know, virtual haphephobia is real but only exists on hyper-realistic games and VR (I can't find any academic papers on this probably because I wasn't looking hard enough, but the person gave anecdotal evidence so I'll believe it).
Ok I'm getting a bit deep into this and I'd rather write this in an "opinions" entry, but basically, TT is not real. I hate that people are parading triggers to feel, I guess, special. It's very disrespectful to people with actual trauma. I also hate the fact that touch triggers are a great drama starter on Pony Town.
Well, I play on PG server after all. Lots of stupid children just believing everything they see.

It may be unhealthy to have so much hate but I just want to finally get this off my chest so I could shut up about it lol. Hopefully I could shut up about it. :P

Song

This song is how I got into Poppy! I vibe with it a lot when I feel wrong. I channel that negative energy into mischief and cheerfulness without actually doing harmful things in real life.

Entry 2


Date: 7-8-21
Time: 4:58PM
Feeling: :3

I did a lot of coding today and yesterday. I didn't follow through my original plan of drawing for Art Fight but I think it's alright since the event lasts a month. I shouldn't worry about other things (drawing) I could be doing while coding since it's good to have many hobbies. No one's really putting pressure on me than myself. Besides it's summer vacation. No need to hurry.

Yesterday I finally took effort in learning CSS and did not just skim over a Stackoverflow thread. Let's just say I got way better at sizing divs lol. I also added some more categories since those are what I see on other Neocities sites. This new layout maybe be unfinished but I really want to get rid of the old one as soon as I could. I really like this new one too. I still need to plan some of the layouts too and I kinda want to take a little break from it and draw (tomorrow, i promise!! ;])

My dad ordered me a new phone yesterday! It has a huge screen and 4GB RAM. Not so wowing but it's better than what I have now. Honestly I want a new phone just for MLBB (Mobile Legends) :P My current phone is 3 years old and it's too small for me now. When the new phone arrives, mine will be handed down to my brother. I hope he has fun with it even though its screen is tiny and Minecraft runs on 10fps.

Some Youtube channels I like:
Madisyn Brown The Take Zoe Bee

Update (7:32PM): I was trying to update my site but Neocities is mega wack! turns out it doesnt register the folders inside folders and I had to fix sooo many "a" tags. And sorry for the other technical errors a while ago. sigh.

hello world


Date: 7-6-21
Time: 8:57PM
Feeling: excited, conflicted
Arm: hurting

Hello Neocities what's up?????????? First ever journal entry here can you believe it
I'm doing this to save the Discord servers I'm in from my silly rambles. Having a person pour out their thoughts on you may not be a fun feeling most of the time especially if you have no idea what to say. I could really just do it on paper right but that's just no fun :p besides I lost my ability to write legibly since I've only used the keyboard all year long cuz of online school. Plus it's easier to add silly emoticons or pictures and crap

I sort of forgot why I'm writing this ehe... im so silly ooh look at me im such a massive dingus clown fart ("heart" rhymes with "fart" and i used to think toilet humor was the pinnacle of humor and said "fart" all the time so my friend calls me fart!!!! not that i mind lol)

I think I decided to write this to tell you that I'm actually considering trashing this entire website and start again from scratch. Weird! And I'm 75% done with it too. I think it's because this website is heavily unplanned and it doesn't look like how I imagined it. This often happens when I get huge bursts of energy and pour it all into a project. I'm only noticing the pattern now

You know this wouldn't be a huge problem if I just sat through a Youtube tutorial or two and listened. I can't for some reason but thats just me being quirky i guess ;)))) (ironic)
Hosting a website is going to take a lot of responsibility (i think). No wait, actually it doesn't need so much responsibility, I just need to quit comparing my crappy layout to everyone else's! lol
For realsies though I feel like I would need to put so much dedication onto studying code (I don't even know how to JavaScript) if I want my websites to be as cool looking as the others. But I'm telling myself to lower my expectations; this is supposed to be just a small hobby where you can create fun looking amateur website layouts where you can infodump about everything and anything without worrying about bothering directly.

Also, ArtFight is on! Team Cyberpunk let's go! I reaaaaally want to participate in this! Some of my Discord friends are in it together and I really don't want to waste this opportunity. More reason to not redo my website's entire layout tomorrow. Drawing and coding are both of my hobbies but I think drawing will benefit me more.

I think I've decided it now! I will draw tomorrow. Create a reference sheet for my oc, Microphone! My beloved Microphone... This journal thing is really helpful, ya?


Bonus: cool sites below!
DOKODEMO angel99 Cinni's Dream Home
Some of the first Neocities I've visited. They're pretty popular and the reason is clear
P.S.: is it normal that most of my div sizes have decimals? ex. "width: 59.3%;" is that normal or is that a sign that I'm a noob? I don't know- find out tomorrow maybe.