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Ah! I shall be back!

I think I'm experiencing "burnout"!

You see, my hobbies like to cycle. I used to code non-stop, then got a bit tired of it, then I focused on Pony Town and Danganronpa! I don't get to see my Ponytown friends that much anymore and I finished Danganronpa! So that's over... Then I started a new Stardew Valley file! Bunnylove Farm!

I don't have the motivation to update my website about it! Even if I have started on the stuff on my to-do list (PT shrine, DR1 shrine chapter updates, Stardew Valley shrine, etc) I feel like I've lost my spark and everything I make is ugly. I also want to remake my home page and stuff because I know how to properly use CSS grid now but I feel overwhelmed about it. I don't want it to feel like a chore! I am constantly reminding myself that I'm doing this for no one but myself! So I'm kinda doing the stuff that I want to do first. No more feeling like I'm wasting my time...

8-20-21

Pony Town shenanigans

I made 2 new friends on Ponytown yesterday. I really like them! They are so funny.

I made a lot of Ponytown cosplays of DR characters! I will add a Pony Town shrine one day to show them off.

Earlier this morning there was drama in the DR area of Ponytown. People were accusing someone that they are racist because their cosplay of Yasuhiro Hagakure has light skin. I sided with the Yasuhiro because Yasuhiro isn't black in the source material anyway, and light-skinned Japanese people exist. But the people who were accusing did not hesitate to call me and the person they are accusing "r*tards* (that's a slur right?). They were also saying our avatars were ugly but that's obviously just a cheap way to try and tilt us (my avatars are beautiful). For the best case scenario, I think these type of people are just trolls who saw someone gullible and decided to take advantage of it. Worst case is when they were actually serious about it and are that selfish to just flame randos on Ponytown.

Many more people joined and ganged up on the Yasuhiro. It was all just hive mind thinking. I wasn't taking anyone seriously while I was there and soon just left. But really, the Yasuhiro could've just blocked or muted their messages. It's clear why that Yasuhiro was easy prey for those (maybe) trolls.


Other shenanigans

1. "I dislike it because by having those phrases on your name, you're broadcasting to the world that you're under a lot of stress and you're proud of it. You want others to adjust to you." -me from last entry. Just to clarify, I meant that by having a sign like "DNI" on your name, you're basically giving others the responsibility to your mental well-being. It tells me that you have given up on improving yourself and are now just handing over the burden to the unreliable stranger then get mad and label them ableist if they don't comply. (tbc.)

2. (cont.) I hate seeing negativity. I hate it when people say they wanna give up. Giving up isn't always bad, but I hate it when people don't strive for success again, whether be it another solution or not.

3. I love it when people are optimistic.

4. Realistic outlook on life =/= (does not equal) negative outlook on life.

5. Lizzo's new song "Rumors" was released just a few hours ago. It's great. I like Lizzo's music but I think Lizzo is not just a body positivity promoter (this is good) but also a obesity promoter (this is bad). I mean by having this really positive persona while being obese is indirectly promoting obesity. She does show videos of her exercising but to exercise in that size, you can break your bones. You need to lose some weight before you can do heavy exercise. I might need to do more research on this but there's my take.

8-13-21

I made a new friend on Pony town today. They're pretty cool but honestly I'm a bit scared. They have a lil gang of friends who I'm not familiar with. They like to troll :P Honestly I completely understand. Players on PG server are *real* sensitive and it's hard to resist the urge to troll them. Really, the hide or mute button are about 4 clicks away. But these 12 year olds still force the flaming.

I wrote a lot of stuff under this spoiler. I'm not too proud of it cuz it's really messy but I needed to write out my thoughts. Want to talk to me about it? Email me at xxheartcakes143@gmail.com

Now on to kinnies. Kinning is a type of otherkin (fictionkin). Kinning is basically when a person says or believes that they are a fictional character or something else. Usually it's just a way to say you relate to a character. Ex. "I am Mitsuba Sousuke in real life. I am a kinnie." Kinning originated from Tumblr a long time ago but got popular on Twitter quite recently.

Kinning (or if severe, ID or D/A) may be a coping mechanism due to extreme stress or trauma. In the extremes, people who kin or "kinnies" might not want any "doubles". A double is another kinnie who kins the same character as you. Meeting doubles or being told that they are not the fictional character they kin may give the kinnie extreme stress.

Personally, I've experienced this before. I wasn't in a good place. I'm glad I'm out of it now. Kinning helped me be aware of myself again. It gave me some identity that I could hold on to for the mean time. Even if it's not my own real identity. I IDed as that fictional character. I speculated if I had a D/A. Of course none of it was true. I'm not that fictional character. When I got better, kinning helped me assess myself and let me see which positive and negative traits I should work on. Which traits from the fictional character should I work towards and which I should avoid.

Severe kinning is definitely weird and unorthodox. It may be "cringe" and may cause some unneeded drama and reactions. But remember these people are suffering through some sort of stress and we should not make fun of them.

But but but, kinning may be harmful if the person dwells on their stresses and negativity. Kinning should only be used as a crutch in recovery from stress, in my belief. As an escape, sure, but remember the problem doesn't just magically go away if you ignore it.

Everytime I go on Pony town, I see them. Kinnies everywhere. "me irl /srs". "doubles DNI". I dislike it because by having those phrases on your name, you're broadcasting to the world that you're under a lot of stress and you're proud of it. You want others to adjust to you. Do I sound ableist? Well, the line is pretty blurry. If we continue adjusting, just babying our brains like this, what will be of our standards? Strength who? Just run away from it. It doesn't make me comfy, please trigger warn it..

But of course, this is just me not minding my own business and being a little nosy. I do hope that every "D/A" and "doubles DNI" I see gets better mentally and physically like I did. I hope it's just another silly trend and I'm just overthinking again.

Information:

  • D/A or "delusional attachment" is a term coined by someone on Twitter who is also not a doctor. It is an alternative name for Identity Delusion, which is a real Delusion disorder
  • A carrd on D/As Since it's just a carrd from Twitter, don't take it too seriously. This is the best D/A carrd I've found since it mentions medical things.
  • What is kinning and kin terms
  • Now on to myself. I'm a such hypocrite! lol

    8-10-21

    Hello! I'm listening to a vocaloid playlist! ehehe. I don't like it that much! Robots are just terrible singers. Most of the time. Well the singing quality is dependent on the tuner but like good tuners are kinda hard to find and I don't really want to look harder.

    I remember I used to have a real tamagotchi when I was like 5! I had no idea what I was oding or what I was supposed to do. I used to get really scared when theres poop! I thought my tamagotchi will die because of it and I didn't know that I can remove it. I was very afraid of game over screens when I was younger.

    8-8-21

    I think I'm going to redo the Shipping category in my Keebo shrine. I think my take on Kiiruma is pretty lacking. I've been thinking bout it all day and I'm pretty tired from thinking. I also seem to forget really quickly. Is this called a short attention span? I think too much that it seems like I don't think at all...

    8-6-21