Hey hey hey~ looking good, I think! I've been doing a lot of crochet..

Haiiii~ I haven't written in here for a really long time. Website updates for Heartspace is really slow right now because I have been very invested in another hobby. It's... crochet! And it has been fun. I'm making stuff and making stuff is fun and that's scientifically proven I'm pretty sure. I'm actually trying to earn money off it. I also started to knit. It's all super fun and I guess relaxing.

Other than that, I've also been watching some anime with my brother. I've watched all of One Punch Man and the first season of Mob Psycho 100. Both are by the author ONE which is kinda cool. I want to write about these animes one day (I have started making a page for OPM but I haven't worked on it because I'd rather be doing other things)

I love and appreciate Neocities websites that do their best to be unique! I love it when I can feel people's passion seeping out from their website. The only limit is you! Individuality over conformity always!!

I have been having some pretty negative opinions on the lack of individuality on Neocities but I figure that turning them into positive sayings will be much better for people who read this~

I just finished watching Mob Psycho 100 with my brother. I'm excited for season 3 ^.^ It's a pretty good anime and I like it. I think I will read the mangas for MP100 and OPM one day, but not soon. I'm still super invested in my fiber arts stuff and it requires full concentration from my eyes. That's another reason why I watch English dubs– crocheting while reading subs + appreciating the animation + understanding the story is hard work!! I'd rather devote my ears to listening to the story instead.

Other than that, knitting/crocheting has kept my eyes off of gadgets which I think is pretty cool. My energy usage didn't decrease that much but my screen time did. I would still go on YouTube and look for documentaries and commentary videos to listen to while I do stuff, not looking at the screen at all which is good for my eyes I think? I noticed that I always look for something to play in the background while I knit or whatever. It would be best if I lose my dependency on that so that the energy bill gets a little break @_@

gross.. who knew that watching a few videos about horror games would make me feel like this? Definitely not me eugh gross! No more thoughts about innards please!!

gonky.. school is almost starting again. I might or might not undergo another character climate change. I hope to be better ugh! I hope to go out more

I think I would be a ragdoll... cute and goofy, small limp body and button eyes!! They are so cute. I also think that mannequins are really cool.... I like how they look. I like the energy they give off XD I'm so going to start a mannequin collection when I'm older

I watched Over The Garden Wall! It was fun, it has nice music. I think the art style is nice. Story-wise, I don't have much to say! I'm actually too silly and I don't have enough story/cartoon knowledge to be able to say something insightful about it. I liked the vibe of the show.. it was odd.

so how have I been... Not sure, I think I'm alright.

I think I forgot to update my site after writing a couple days worth of entries lol so some recent entries could be 2-3 weeks old by the time I'm uploading this to my site

Ugh! (That's how I feel right now) the store I ordered my yarn from is such a scam. butt...

I need to clean my closet. I sort of wish I didn't have a really big closet. A vanity or some shelves would have been way better. The mirrors I have are like palm-sized big and so I barely look at the mirror lol

Other than that, I gave my mom this unused dotted grid notebook with a funny color swipe sequins cover. It was gifted to me way long ago, before I even entered high school. Now I only have 1 more empty fancy binder notebook to feel guilty about (I've been filling my current notebook a lot more now since I've started writing crochet patterns so that's cool). I need to fill these heckers up cuz I can't resist cute stationery that I might see in the future. It came to me in a dream one day that I NEED a hello kitty notebook. I do have hello kitty ~filler~ notebooks (3 of them) but apparently those are too thin for whatever I would even need them for (I do not know) I need one that's a little think and has a spring with cute pages that have "Hello Kitty" written in pink bold letters in the corner.

I haven't even mentioned my empty/half-filled sketchbook collection yet! mmm I think I have 3. I need to use those somehow...... I haven't drawn in like forever so like.... it's not gonna be that fun to force myself to fill up a sketchbook. Ugh! *throws my hands up in the air*! Also my art style turned from ??? to mob psycho wannabe

Someone light me up.... someone make me revamp my crochet blog.. I've been avoiding writing about my crochet activities because I always feel like I need to reserve them for the crochet blog. Big goofy

Oh yeah time to drop names because it happened and I didn't like it, I heavily dislike what happened during the legendary showdown between Dokodemo and Lullabye "gyarutrait doeyed femcell-chi" and now "Strawbabie", more specifically Lullabye's behavior and her 13 year old lackeys. I don't have much relevant stuff to say about the incident itself cuz like, it SHOULD NOT have been public but ohoh what were you supposed to do with chronically online individuals (Lullabye). but I do want to say how funny and sort of actually sad that most people who sided with lullabye are kids. One of the kids Adilene even opt to try to make the situation more public by posting about it on her tumblr... Like yeah good job you really are helping revive the Old web. Anyway the emoticon ^_^ has definitely soured a bit for me thanks to pinksites

Hey I was a pinksite... lol

A little bummer to be off the cute webring though. Humph!! Website diversity loses in the sweet dreams webring. I do sort of feel like I need to find another webring to replace that on my homepage

No way you guys

I'm... I'm doing pretty well as a student! No way I'm actually doing my homework, I'm super glad. (This sounds like a sponsorship LOL) (it's not) so there's this notes program I found called Notion.. I like it! It makes studying/note-taking fun for me. It lets you do fun stuff. It is also pretty customizable, but honestly I think it still does just the bare minimum in terms of customizability. I wish that it would at least let me set my own background color/image, font, and font color for the whole app.

*eats gummy worms and a stale cracker and also drinks probiotic milk drink* I have got to update my crochet blog. My thoughts are important and I shouldn't waste them in a Discord server where it will get lost to time. I want to quit Discord sort of. Maybe I should log out. I wonder when will I get back into working on my Neocities.

I love little sewing buttons they are so cute. I just ordered a bunch but unfortunately I don't have anything to store them in. Just looked through my closet and yup I don't have anything. I do have 10 unread books in there. I will watch Jerma baseball now

Just realized how annoying I looked a few entries ago LOL I really am a pinksite at heart xD just half kidding~

Ok so like, the thing about Notion is that it's great and can just about do anything ~almost~.. Like, it has literally has the database management hooha stuff that I don't really need yet it fails to do the most basic stuff. That impression of being everything + lack of basics is a really deadly combo for apps. Imagine finding an app that's pretty decent and pretty helpful only to find out that it can't select all text with ctrl+a. Sorry but you gotta select the whoooole page manually with the mouse before you could modify it. Imagine having those squiggly red lines that points out your typos, like, yeah annoying but helpful, so you right click and select the right spelling but to your dismay it doesn't replace it. It's still misspelled. You do it again and again and it just doesn't work so you end up having to manually retyping it or not at all. These stuff can really easily nock a student past their breaking point. You wouldn't want to encounter such trivial things as a stressed student. That's why despite the good stuff I give Notion a 5/10. Not my fault I'm a student; Notion should remember who their audiences are.

I wish for button shaped cookies. Like I have a bunch of buttons on hand right now and they look so yummy and shiny. I've been putting them in my mouth, biting them, listening to that "click click" sound it makes against my teeth. Licking the smooth surface despite it probably being dirty. I want to eat them :/ I wish they were candy

OH MY GOD there's a new character/ship that I'm obsessing over and it's so bad because I can't focus on anything. I think I need to let it all out so I've GOT to work on the shrine(s). I got burnout from crochet. Sad to say. The last thing I was making was a Kai doll and oh my god it's my 2nd attempt at making a Kai doll and it's still one of my worst projects ever. I hate working on it and I'm not sure why. And also I've been busy being a good student, so if I'm going to crochet, it better be relaxing and not stressful.

I have been drawing recently actually. It's just so happens that I needed to take my tablet out of its dusty box for school, so I went ahead a doodled in my free time. I made a little doodle of eyes and I liked it, so then I drew the rest of the face then I liked it, so I went ahead and drew the rest of the body, then wrote a funny little caption and context. I really liked it, mainly because I am obsessed with the said character, and also because at least 2 (two) people said that they liked the character (in my drawing) as well. That really amplified my goofy obsession for this character (who is very stinky). I <3 ghostie

My art process is goofy and it really shows that I haven't really improved my art despite the 5 years of me drawing (on and off). I mean I know, it takes serious hard work to actually improve. I'm just jealous of those kiddios on Instagram and Twitter... Their art is so cute and colorful.. some of them draw in MS paint, like that's my dream skill! And they're like 14 and I'm just soo jealous like how do you learn this. Did you self-studied forms like me, did you draw pages and pages of boring cubes and spheres and cylinders from different angles like me, but didn't give it up and actually took it seriously unlike me?? Their art styles are usually anime or cartoon inspired, and as far as I know, you "need to learn the rules (aka realism style) before breaking the rules (aka stylized style)" Or did they just went straight to drawing cartoony stuff and learned that way.. I feel like that's the most common path that these younger artists take. But I don't know! And like, whutever, cuz I know the reason why they're better than me, and it's because I just don't draw that much as they probably do lawl

Speaking of art style, I think I want my old semi-realistic art style back. You don't know what my art back in summer of 2018 looked like but it was pretty decent. My best arts were made in that era. Then I... stopped drawing because of school and lost all my skill. Still the worst thing ever to happen to me. I might try to get it back... Try

I played softball today. I like softball. My favorite part is catching the ball. The teacher made us play catch for about 30 minutes and it was great.

And just like that my ghostie phase is over. Good riddance! If you don't know who ghostie, it's because my website doesn't have a conveniently placed shrine page explaining who ghostie is, that's totally my fault. Maybe I can pick up little remnants of energy from the ghostie obsession phase so that I could at least make a page dedicated to him. Stupid! ghostie phase is over and now it's back to vampy. Vampy will truly be my one and only. I like him a dribble more than a normal amount.

The past 2 weeks have been TERRIBLE. I was doing ok in school. I was walking on a fine line between bare minimum performance and bad performance. SEVERAL UNPLANNED family events were enough to topple me over back to my old bad school habits. I am trying to get back on track.

Time to answer the question, what do I look forward to right now? Right now I'm not sure actually. Perhaps vampy and zombie lore? My next task for my website is reworking their shrine. I also haven't been crocheting that much because I'm focusing effort onto school (the best that I can..) I guess.. I can look forward to going out soon and getting new glasses. I can look forward to hanging out with my friend and my brother at Starbucks? My brother won two Starbucks gift cards at a party the other time. But my friend goes to a boarding school and they're kinda busy...

I've been writing more in my offline, private journals. That's a good thing. I'm more honest there, and I can talk more about negative things there. Duhh

I feel bad for not updating my website... I should at least let you know that I do still work on it! I have a lot of pages that are WIP. I haven't been able to finish any yet though. I haven't been able to write well. I'm practicing! Anyway I'm not really apologizing I think..

I'm consuming media...

I have nothing to look forward to.. That is the mood for the past few weeks. It's a sad mood. But I think today, I may have found something to look forward to. Journaling! Again, yes. Can't write anything in it if I don't do stuff! It's a cute journal. I'm overcoming my fear of making it ugly. I want to have fun again.

hmm! Obligatory update to prove to myself that I am still using my personal website and that it's not a "just a short-lived hobby" thing. I love the freedom that I get! It's just that I'm busy and have more accessible stuff to do.

I just realized that I can make "shrines" (you know like the one on personal websites) for my favorite characters on paper. Huh. Who knew that you can write down why you like a character ON PAPER in a cute personal notebook and not just onto a webpage or into a Discord server where no one would really know what you're talking about. If I wanted pictures to decorate it then I could draw (may be ugly) or use stickers (limited and needs money to obtain) or print pictures (I don't have a printer that works). Yeah... I'll do those stuff I see on YouTube shorts but with ugly handwriting and less sticky stuff. I'm going to need to embrace the imperfections that I'll encounter to have fun.

I'm into Black Butler again.... Developed a crush on the man that I hate.... I still hate him now but I like him because went through puberty and finally picked up the strong whore energy he carries.

It's him. The black butler. I guess I'm into homemakers

MP100 III is out but my brother doesn't want to watch it just yet.. huhm meanwhile I am going to watch the Black Butler anime. I have watched maybe half of season 1 when I was in 6th grade. I didn't like it that much... and I'm a manga reader and I told literally everyone who asked that the Black Butler anime sucked balls no exception they didn't follow canon so read the manga only but I think I was too harsh. I'm going to give it a chance besides they are funny looking. I'm watching the dub and it's funny because THERE BRITISH!

P.S. My Black Butler crush used to be Ciel Phantomhive because I liked shota (no need to sugarcoat. But in my defense, I myself was 13) I'm so glad I've grown and now I like feminine men. cuntboys. Men with pussies.

WOW slut. ao3 link

Black Butler has been occupying my mind a lot. Good thing; I have something to look forward to again. The first time I read it was in 7th grade and hoo boy I was not able to appreciate it as much as I do now. Especially the Circus arc. The horrorific beauty of the PTSD asthma so-called "yaoi" scene. It's INSANE. I NEED to make a page about it. Maybe. So sorry Neocities, the paper is winning!! On here I feel like I need to write coherent paragraphs that are understandable for all-ages about what I want to talk about, which is a turn off (if I even manage to get past the trouble of deciding on a layout for a page first). On my journal I can just write whatever.. however... on a pretty pink post-it if I wanted to... rotate the notebook and write in landscape orientation if I want to... In a way, the limits physical journaling gives me is freeing. Cuz I don't have fancy tapes and I'm not trying to make those uber pretty "anime journals" so there's no expectations, no disappointment. I can just focus on writing what's on my mind... Definitely, this should help me in writing for my website. Just having the ideas written down before I forget them is all I need

My birthday is tomorrow..

So I painted my nails the other week, and it wasn't good but it looked nice from afar. It chipped on 2 nails and I peeled them off because it was irresistable and so I went and redid them today. It's just that it's so crappy, but it's not like I'm doing it wrong!!!! I've spent the last 2 hours or more on my left hand, just applying and removing again and again. I wasn't sure of it before but I'm set with the conclusion that the nail polish I bought is old stock hence why it's so clumpy and thick!! It kept forming those stringy hairs upon leaving contact, like the saliva strings you know?? Like as if it's almost dry?? Absolutely terrible!!!! It would not flow, it's like cake frosting or whatever. Then I went ahead and ruined the brush somehow. It was such a nice color too. I'm pissed. GRRRRR

November 25

Why did I stop dating my entries? Lol.. whatever

Things have been better, I think. First and foremost, my parents are earning a lot of money.. I can easily convince them to buy me craft things now. That's great.. I need to clean my closet again and fix up a storaging system. Next, I've been doing better in school now. At least it was better than before. I just need to work on my math related subjects, and social science. I have time for only one hobby now, I think. I stopped using Notion and started using my real journal for the planning stuff.

I also did something. I know I denounced it before and that was so silly. But I did a thing called "anime journaling" I think. Maybe I was just jealous that I didn't have fancy stickers and tapes and a working printer. Well I have those now thanks to my parents' new business. Basically I made a shrine page for a certain being but on paper instead of on a website. It's a bit silly right because I would have used less money and resources if I made it with HTML/CSS. But hey, I'm in it for the experience. It was fun to do. The hardest part was writing the content because I can't properly estimate the space that I'm writing on, so some paragraphs are misaligned or wonky (I also don't have "aesthetic" handwriting. My hand hurts!! Too stressful to care much about)

I'm also a bit bad at writing in general... I did notice that I get better at expressing my thoughts if I were answering a comment on say YouTube or Reddit. Not so well on a black page. I have to work on it, especially since I'm way overdue on a bunch of e-shrines that I want to make. A new shrine had been added to the list, and it's for Black Butler

I really like Black Butler... Ciel is still my favorite character. He's such a pitiful character. My favorite part of Black Butler is the relationship between Ciel and Sebastian.

Besides Black Butler, I still need to write about vampy and zombie.. And ghostie..

But I won't be doing that anytime soon. Until then I think I will focus on this new hobby of mine, of writing down my thoughts about whatever in my pretty little notebook and sticking pretty sticky stuff onto the page. I ordered Rilakkuma stickers, so that's something to look forward to.